15 Signs You’re With the Right Person

At some point in most relationships, people ask themselves the same question, “Is this one the right person for me?” Whether you’re in a new or five years relationship, it’s an inevitable question. The question isn’t necessarily born out of doubt or insecurity. It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance your relationship to normal. We may love someone immensely, but still not be compatible with him or her in the long term. So how do you know you’re with the right person? How do you know your love will stand the test of time? Noting that, relationships are fun when you have the right partner. After the meeting, then acceptance, then  you are faced with the reality and you start getting to know if you are with the right person or if it was mere infatuation or love, questions of whether are you dating the right person begin to pop up The signs might not be so obvious, if you are not careful enough, you might stick with the wrong person for a long time before you realize your mistake. Even when you’re crazy in love with someone, it can often be hard to know if he or she is right for you. How do you know you won’t feel differently in a year? ten years? A lifetime? Deciding if you can commit to someone is a deeply personal determination, and everyone has different criteria. As in any verdict, you have to start by assessing the evidence you have at hand. Are we Soulmates? Kindred spirits?(person who has the same opinions, feelings, and interests as you) Below are some signs to show if the person you are dating is the right one for you: Conflict is handled in a similar or complementary manner for both Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal. It’s not the conflict itself that’s generally a problem, but rather how each person handles that conflict is an important indicator of whether that person is right for you. Two people who have entirely different and contradictory ways of handling conflict aren’t likely to last long. You’re in the right relationship if you and your partner handle conflict in similar or complementary ways. You don’t have to be exactly on the same page, but you do have to agree on how arguments will be handled and respect each other’s choices and argument style. There is no abuse or manipulation — of any kind You may think this is a given and that it doesn’t even need to be said. But too many people “settle” for a relationship where abuse — emotional, psychological, sexual, or physical — occurs. Even once is one time too many. A normal, healthy relationship is one where such abuse never occurs because it’s not even on the table. The same goes for manipulation as well. If you ignored little warning signs along the way thinking that you could “change” the other person into doing less of an offensive behavior, you were kidding yourself. You can’t change others — they need to change themselves (and actively work toward such change). The right relationship for you will not have any kind of abuse or manipulation occurring in it. Love never condones abuse for any reason. You have never been more satisfied in a relationship If you compare your current relationship with all of your past ones and find that the current one pushes all of the right buttons, that’s a sign you’ve made the right choice. You have to be careful with this one, however, because memory is not always accurate in our recollection of the past. We often change things in ways that fit our own internal narrative, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. So you have to try and be as objective as you can when doing this. If you can’t remember another relationship that felt better, treated you better, or helped boost your life in pursuit of your dreams and happiness, then you’re in the right relationship. ****You can’t imagine being more happy and satisfied Tied to #1, not only is satisfaction high in the relationship for both people, but you can’t imagine being any happier in a relationship with anyone else. People who do imagine other relationships being happier are typically unsatisfied with one or more aspects of their current relationship. And generally, I’m not talking about minor annoyances (like how he never takes out the trash until he’s asked). I’m talking about significant relationship issues that burden you with their weight every week. You’re in the right relationship if you can’t readily imagine being more happy or more satisfied with another person. As in eeh!!  you are happy when they are happy. It certainly helps if you’re dating someone that you want to make happy and who wants to make you happy in return. Couples who each truly place the needs and wants of their partners on par with or above their own seem handle a lifetime of compromising, juggling priorities, and collaborating better than couples who individually pursue their own best interests

They fit into your life

“A good sign that someone is right for you is if you can imagine that person fitting in to other parts of your life and not just living in a microcosm of the relationship. Ask yourself: Do they get along with the other people in my life? Do I get along with their friends and family? Do we have mutual interests and things that we enjoy doing together that can be a source of sustainability in a relationship? If the answer is yes, then you may be on the right track.”

 They don’t want to change you

“When you listen to your heart, you’ll feel whether or not the person you’re dating is right for you. This is known as ‘intuition’ — your heart’s message to you. Almost everyone can think back and recall a time when they didn’t listen to it. When you feel good, feel that your partner is patient and true, treats you the same in public as he/she does at home, then you’re on the right path. Keep in mind that your intuition may send out warnings as well. It may come as a gut reaction. For example, if your partner wants to change you in any way. He/she is not accepting you for who you are. If that happens, run. That is a sign of a controlling person and he/she will never treat you properly.”  Neither person harbors long-standing resentments toward the other, nor withholds forgiveness If occasional conflict is normal in relationships, ruminating and holding on to resentments is not. People who can’t let go of past hurts are typically not people who can hold on to a relationship, because inevitably they will find a reason to resent their significant other. Healthy people find ways to let go such hurts with time and forgiveness. Forgiveness is a part of every healthy relationship; withholding forgiveness is akin to withholding love. You’re in the right relationship if both you and your partner are able to let past resentments go, and forgive each other with an open heart. They Listen to You One of the signs that your date is likely to make a good mate is that the he or she shows genuine interest in your life and listens attentively when you are speaking. They also remember things that you have told them about yourself. “Conversely, if the person that you are dating nearly always monopolises the conversation, does not ask you about yourself or your day, and then tunes you out when you start speaking, these are clear signals that your date is not really very interested in you as a person except as an audience for them. If they are not interested now at the beginning of the relationship, they are likely to be even less interested later on. A good partner will listen attentively to everything you have to say, regardless of how boring it might seem to you. It might mean you are listening to them ranting about the flaws in your work colleagues for the majority of the evening, but it’s important for them to feel heard and listened to. The ability to hear each other, and to give the other space to feel heard, even if the content of the discussion isn’t of interest to us as an individual, shows that person that they are worthy of our time and attention.

7. They comfort you when you’re sad

One of the major signs that tells you if the person you’re dating is right for you is how they treat you when you’re sad, crying, having a bad day, or just emotional. Are they compassionate? Are they attentive? Do they stop what they’re doing to give you their attention? Are they distracted when you’re expressing your feelings and most of all, do they know when to just give you a hug? It may seem simple but this is a very important trait to know what kind of human being the person is. If they criticise you for being sad or tell you that how you feel is silly that you’re over-reacting, that may be something to pay attention to. They could show signs of narcissism. Although later, you may think you were over-reacting, it may be just as important to know you were being listened to in the onset. You respect each other’s differences and use them to your advantage. Not that I am much for sports analogies, but I think one would be fitting here. When you are on a team, not everyone is good at the same things. Someone pitches, someone hits, someone runs, and they all work together to create a synergy between them while leveraging each others’ skills. In a healthy relationship, both teammates will understand that the other has skills they do not. In what could be seen as a ‘power couple,’ you operate like a well-oiled machine in both everyday activities and those rare. Your personalities even each other off mingling at parties, and your different levels of organization and creativity help with keeping things in order. The team wins the game. You are all in. There is no such thing as a part-time relationship. You are either in, or you’re out. In the right relationship, both partners will be fully committed to each other and to the relationship as a whole. This means sticking together through life’s challenges and handling them as a team. See point. A person who can authentically be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t feel the need to hold you back. Most unhealthy relationships include some form of sabotaging of one partner. Dating someone who is happy with their life means they can be happy for you and alongside of you. You stop hiding your flaws. Nobody is perfect. But if we are always trying to convince someone that we are, we will never be truly comfortable with them and they will never really get to know our true selves. In the right relationship, we are open about these things with each other and the best part is – they will still love and accept you for it. You communicate about sex. Communication is key to building a happy, healthy relationship — and that does not just include communication outside of the bedroom. Both partners being open and satisfied in this area is hugely important to overall happiness and it should be something that two mature adults are comfortable talking about with each other. You argue. No, not often. And no, not harshly. But if you argue it’s a sign that you both have your own opinions and are strong enough to stick to them. This is a good thing. If there are no arguments at all, it could be a sign that somebody is hiding something, hiding their feelings, or just not being honest about what they really think. They may feel like they are keeping the peace, but none of this is a positive in the long run. maintain your identity Take the sports analogy in the first point. If you constantly tried to pitch just like the pitcher, or catch just like the catcher, you would eventually find yourself forgetting what position you actually play on the team because you’ve been putting so much effort into being like everyone else. It is important to maintain your identity and not lose yourself when you get into a relationship. If that happens, you may find yourself being too self-sacrificial and essentially a doormat, not really happy in your situation, and unable to communicate it because you don’t even know what you want anymore. You respect each other’s privacy. Yes, you are a team and the whole “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours” thing is fine, but you are still two separate individuals who have a right to your privacy being respected. This means no snooping around or looking through their phone. Unless they have given you a damn good reason to be suspicious about something, this is a betrayal of trust that healthy couples do not engage in. You trust each other. Trust. Is. Huge. Without trust there cannot be any of the other positive elements that bring a relationship together. If you don’t trust the person you’re with you can’t be comfortable with them going out without you, or spending time with friends, or maybe even at work? You can’t be, and it will eat away at the foundation of your relationship like termites, until it eventually crumbles Two people who are secure in their relationship are going to have to, eventually, have difficult conversations about difficult issues. If you avoid the ‘taboo’ subjects for fear of offending each other, it may cause tension and allow important feelings to become repressed.  The other half of this, of course, is that the conversation will be had calmly and respectfully with the other person’s feelings and opinions in mind. You have accepted each other’s pasts. We all have a past. Oftentimes, our pasts include other significant others. When learning about someone or getting to know them, there will probably be important points in their life that include someone besides yourself. If you demonize their exes or refuse to hear about them, you’re cutting out much of their life. The present is all that matters. A healthy relationship will be open to all topics of discussion and realize that the past is in the past – now is what matters. You support each other’s passions and endeavors. Whether or not you share each others’ passions or life ambitions, when you truly care about someone you want to see them succeed and be happy in whatever they love. This means standing beside them, not in their way, when they dedicate effort towards pursuing a goal. You both continue putting effort in, long after you’ve already ‘gotten’ each other. Great relationships are not about give and take, they are about give and give. The effort each teammate puts forth in the relationship should be consistent, as well as equally recognized and appreciated by the other. When one or both partners stop trying, the union is doomed. You are always open, honest, and direct with each other. Earlier I mentioned communication in the bedroom – it should go without saying (but often doesn’t) that communication in all areas of life and your relationship is imperative to its success. Open, honest, unfiltered communication with your partner who you both have the comfort of opening up to without being judged for it, and the knowledge that they feel the same way towards you. You want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are. This is a clear hallmark of a healthy relationship. Someone should not try to change you in terms of your character and personality — but being inspired by them to improve yourself (both for you, and for them) is a good sign. A relationship that’s meant to be doesn’t necessarily mean it will be completely effortless. All relationships take an effort from both parties in order to work. To those who say love is easy, I call BS. Because love isn’t easy, it’s hard and messy, and sometimes you end up crying all alone in a corner with a pint of ice cream. But there are times when you find someone who is also willing to help you put the pieces together that make a relationship shine through and sparkle with love. Many view love and relationships as if they are entwined with destiny, meaning if you are meant to be with that person then it will happen without you having to reel the person in or kill yourself trying to get them to notice you. In actuality, if something is meant to be it doesn’t mean you should just give up pursuing this person altogether. If you want someone go for it (consensually and non-stalker-like, of course).


What do you think?


Written by Gracious Berinyu

Journalist at CMTV Buea, Cameroon; Chief Marketing Office at C. Media Group of Companies

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